He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
