Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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