I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
