Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
