You just made me feel so damn special
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
