had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
