Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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