Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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