My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
