32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
