this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
