you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
