He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
