it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
