He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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