this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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