I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
