If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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