Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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