IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
