my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
