If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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