hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
