I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
