I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm both gender and math confused
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
