im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Your dad touched me again.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
