Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
