I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
