turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
