What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
