Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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