Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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