watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
