did you get engaged???
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize
