When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have tasted many bathrooms
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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