I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
