the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
