I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
