i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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