I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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