This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the day after is always just damage control
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
