someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
