and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
