Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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