I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
