its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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