Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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