woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
