My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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