1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
