come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
