No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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